And we are off!

I have been in such a mood since B's last phone call at the beginning of the week (and it is only Thursday). Not even one week down. I forgot what it was like, but once reminded I remembered this feeling of emptiness. Even though we were typically 600 miles apart since school and where he is based, phone calls and skype sessions made everything easy. Plus our trips that we had often been making back and forth on weekends. Now it is just a waiting game. Next thursday marks one final year - due to the extension that was necessary to deploy once again. 

The first package is all packed up and ready to go, just need to make my way to the post office. With classes and work and life, I have had zero time to do anything. This is the first Easter we are spending apart since we started dating 5 years ago.

And if any of you are stuck in a mood because of the weather, I am right up your ally! Tomorrow is the first day of April and we here in lovely Pittsburgh, still have snow. For real! We have 4 weeks of classes and a week of finals and we are covered in snow. I am not a happy girl this week.

Soon enough everything will turn around....LET'S HOPE!

Until next time,

Deployment #2...check

Deployment was moved up. B and I are back together and happier than ever (minus the fact that there is a 10 month deployment in the way of us seeing each other). But in less than a year, he will be home and out of the USMC for good.

Please pray for B and the rest of the deployment as they travel for the next several months.

So for now, I am back in the countdown of when he will be coming home and I can run towards the buses to wrap my arms around him! After all, homecomings are the best part of the deployment...right?

Everything happens for a reason?

I have been so busy. My life has become a hot mess. As I said in my last post, B is getting deployed to Libya. . All I know is this deployment is going to be different than last deployment. So much more dangerous. So much longer. So much more alone.

We decided that we will no longer be together. We love each other. But we need to figure out own lives out, and then see where that takes us. We have been apart so long, we just learned to live with avoiding major parts of our lives. We learned to live without, yet with each other. We are going to see where this new road takes us. We are still going to keep in touch (as much as the USMC allows) throughout the next ten months. At the end of deployment, he then has a remaining 2 months in the marines and he can finally say SEE YA LATER and come one back home. We can see where we are in our lives and see where life takes us. I know this seems as if I am getting a 10 month "Hall Pass." Yet, it isn't. I could never. So then what are we? Basically our relationship is "on hold" for the next 10 months. I don't know what this means, or where it will take us.

So until then, I am going to stay positive. Enjoy the rest of this semester, summer, and fall. Figuring out where and what is going to happen for graduate school. Seeing where life takes me. Keeping a smile on my face.

Until next time, HAPPY 1st DAY OF SPRING!

Breakdown

Tuesday is over, and the week is already ruined.  Steelers lost. I have slept on average 6 hrs a night at most. Seeing is that I am up at 2am and I have to be up at 630. I am already stressed. Already nervous. Already ready for summer break. Nothing makes me more nervous than my future. Thinking about how things are going to be in 330 days when B moves back home. Where I am going to be in school, will I be accepted into graduate school? If only there was a way we could time travel into the future, just to get the reassurance that life isn't that bad. To know that this last 11 months will fly by, and everything will go back to how it was 4 years ago when B first enlisted. I obviously feel for the other military spouses and girlfriends out there, just when I know the end is so close and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel - I just want it that much quicker. However, life doesn't work that way. So tonight, I had a breakdown. A breakdown that thank goodness B could attend to - at least via cellphone. He has been so busy with work-ups and just work in general for deployment we have not had much time to keep in touch and talk about the things going on in each other's lives. And everyone is getting all excited about Valentine's Day. My feelings = blah. This will be our 5th Vday. We have celebrated one. In my opinion, its nothing special. Just another day. We love our significant others every other day of the year to, right? However, I am not gonna put a damper on everyone who loves this holiday. Make the best of it this year (:

My plane ticket is booked and I am counting down the days until I board a plane to see B. I have 23 days and a whole lot of work to do between now an then. It is just wonderful to think about seeing him so soon, especially when the next time I will see him is going to possibly be Easter, but if not June and then December. BLAH = my feelings exactly. Thank goodness though for a shortish deployment. Shorter than last time and at least it has to do with him getting out and them not extending his contract or it would be much longer.

USMC I will be claiming my marine on JANUARY 6, 2012.

OOH-RAH!

I'm Back

I have most definitely been MIA for the past few weeks. It is so hard to make time which absolutely stinks because this blog has been such a detressor and relief from the real world. I have kept up on reading other blogs so I am still in the loop. Classes started back up two weeks ago. I am taking 18 credits and as an Exercise Science major, it is not the easiest thing in the world. I have also been working everyday except for Tuesdays for the past two weeks as well, hence no time. 

This week has been just one of those weeks up until last night. You know the weeks where everything that can and will go wrong, does? B has been going through so much with the corps and just life in general, and it is so hard to be strong for him when I need to have a mental breakdown. He has 341 days  to go as of today! Of course we have plenty of work-ups and a 7 month deployment between now and then as well. It was a week full of tears -on both sides- and up until last night lots of uncertainties. B sometimes feels that it is not fair to me for him to be this far away and for him to put me through the things that he does. He just doesn't understand always that it is my decision, and 3 years ago, we knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into and I promised to see him through the 4 years and for the rest of our lives. He feels I deserve someone that can be here. He was recently diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, which is another thing that breaks my heart. He is such a strong individual, and for him to come out and admit it has been a rocky road for the both of us. He had a 20 day leave back over the holiday and i think him being back home with his friends, family, and just living a "typical" life for those days made him realize everything that he can have back home. That was the first time in 3 years that he has been home for more than a week. It was an amazing, emotional 20 days though.

Is this normal to be going through all of these rocky roads? I look and see some military spouses and significant others seeming so happy. This is just a phase, right?

On the other hand, February is just around the corner, and as much as I usually do not look forward to Valentine's Day. For some reason, this year I am fairly excited about it.  B has not been able to make it home in the past, and this year it is going to be the same. But I am keeping an open mind, and hoping the next 341 days fly by. Not to mention to all of you football fans - The Steelers are going to the Superbowl! I went to the AFC Championship and I am so proud to say that I am from the amazing city of Pittsburgh. Despite all of the snow and rainy weather, it is such an amazing place to live and raise a family.

Until I have another free minute, HAPPY FRIDAY!

Enjoy the weekend (:

Love is in the Air

Maybe it is just this time of year, or maybe I am just in a love mood. With one week almost to the minute of when I am done with my finals, and fall semester of junior year is over - all I can think about is being home with amazing friends, family, and the love of my life! Last year our holiday was cut short with getting home from one deployment, and getting immediately deployed out again when the earthquake happened in Haiti. YIKES! So this year, we are living it up to the fullest! B is coming home on Saturday the 18th, and we are starting it out right with a nice evening in the city -ice skating, riding the incline, and having a good dinner. I am so excited! And we are going to the Steeler Game the 19th which is one tradition we had to break last year due to the deployments. We decided to go to NYC for New Year's this year too. I am so excited to just kick back and relax (and work of course) without a care for school for about a month! I feel so blessed to have such an amazing life and family to go home too. Especially with everyone home this year for Christmas.

Also we just got word, that B potentially is not going to get deployed, not having to extend his contract and getting out in the early fall! Such amazing news to wake up to yesterday, although it is not official - to not have to go through another deployment, missed holiday seasons, missed 21st birthday, and just a long 7 months of missing him. So we are still waiting on confirmation, but I am not getting my hopes up to high, because things never go the way we want or plan.

So wherever you are the next week or so, STAY WARM! Enjoy the loads of snow we are getting and take advantage of it and go skiing or boarding! I am taking B for the first time this winter and I am so excited to start yet another tradition.

HAPPY THURSDAY!

Homesick

As the semester comes closer and closer to an end, of course next semester is on my mind. Next year, applying to grad schools. Finding a job. But most importantly, being with B. Having him home the last two weekends has been a total blessing.  Life is always better when he is around. So I decided no matter where life takes us, whether we stay in the burgh, move to Florida, or B decides to reenlist. Truthfully, it will most likely be wherever I get accepted into grad school. So who knows, thats all in Gods hands. Fate has much in store for us, I'm sure. Home will always be wherever we are together. "Home is a person, not a place."

(Much thanks to Postsecret.com for helping me realize this)

On the other hand, who the heck is ready for Thanksgiving Break or leave? I am so ready to spend some great quality family time and of course work my butt off all week while I am off of school.

Happy Monday!

Growing up

I wish more than anything that I got to go to the ball. B's ball was last Thursday, I couldn't miss class again and because his unit is so small, the ball isn't even off base. It is on base and its not even nice (supposedly). However,  I still think it would have been neat to go, especially since it would have been the last chance for me to go since he will be deployed next fall before getting out.

B got to come home though this weekend. Every time he comes home I feel luckier and luckier to have such an amazing person to be such a huge part of my life. But every time he comes home, I just want him home for good. To think that he could be getting out in July, but we decided to do the last deployment (extending his contract) until March of 2012. UGH! Another deployment, but at the same time it will be best since I will be finishing up my undergrad. I just want him home for good. We have such a great time, and we get to visit family when he is home. haha I feel it is the only time I get to see family (other than my immediate family).

(yes this was Bryan more intoxicated than the BDAY girl)

We celebrated my friend's 21st birthday. It is so crazy to think we are all turning 21. Like we are grown-ups. And within the next year or so we will be out in the REAL world, or attempting to make it through grad school. Paying real bills and living real lives. I cannot wait! And to think that I get to do it all with B, is unimaginable! I am such a lucky girl. While he was home this weekend at dinner on Sunday, he asked my dad if it was okay if we were roommates when he gets out. Obviously my family is okay with it -just the fact that he asked was adorable. I love growing up and seeing the world as it actually is. Does that make sense? I love having obstacles that I must tackle to become successful. I love working hard for my dreams.

Oh and I finally got a client for my one job that might work out. I am super excited to meet with him and take on another challenge. So excited to see life falling into place! I just need to ace all of my Anatomy and Physiology tests and I will be good to go.

Promotion

B got promoted today! Yay! I could not be more happy for him. He deserves it so much and has been working so hard. A lot of stuff has happened within his shop; that initially delayed his promotion.  However, he has done a complete 180 and has been motivated and had his head on straight. Thank the Lord for that! 

I know he wants to be out more than anything; and each day in itself is a struggle for not only him, but for me to keep his head on straight and keep him motivated and not do something he is going to regret. We have less then 15 months with a recently added extension due to the next deployment coming up. We got this. It's all downhill from here. (let's hope so anyways)

Happy Monday (;

Love Letters

B has been having a rough time recently. He still has 16 months left of his enlistment. I live over 600 miles away. Most, if not all of the marines that he was close with have gotten out within the past 6 months. So it leaves him, being older than most in his unit and having all the new kids come. He has never had a problem fitting into a crowd, or even making new friends. I used to joke with him at the end of the day, if he had "made any new buddies." His roommate got out in May, and just this week had gotten another one. His best friend got out in January, and a few other of his close friends got out this spring. They went through two years together, and it is hard to imagine or deal with new people coming and going all of the time. I understand that it is what they do, but its lonely. I want to be there so badly too. Sometimes I wish that I went to school down near Jax so that I could be with him more and have a feeling of home for him. I wish that I could help him out or be there to come home to at the end of a bad day. So because I cannot, and I am dealing with everyday struggles of being a Junior in college, hoping to make my way into OT School I decided to write. It is the least I can do, since I already feel like a total fail of a girlfriend. I am writing love letters at least once a week. He got his first one in the mail yesterday, and just hearing his voice on the phone I could tell things were going to start looking up. I do not think that he hates the Marine Corps. I think that he would and will reenlist if I was nearby. To live over 600 miles away from everything that you have known your entire life, and to deal with shit that you need to do everyday in a typical Marine's life - It has to be draining and lonely. He also moved his room last week, and this new room gets even worse reception and horrible internet connection. Talk about bad luck on the poor guy. So these letters are memories and wannabe future memories together. They are there to make him think about all the amazing things in life that he has forgotten about.

Have you ever written your military man a love letter?